Dear Chiltern Railways

Dear Chiltern Railways, please upon arrival at SnowHill May I pre request a hoist of sorts & a copious amounts of lubricant to un wedge me from your seats that do not have moveable armrests and thus meaning one has to squeeze her gargantuan child bearing lower regions into a space designed obviously by someone sharing the same proportions as a toddler or the same hips as him from Suade. Why don't the armrests move? Is it to stop commuters touching perhaps- I've been commuting for years and and used to being the one with the smelly tramp/woman doing full make up/ arms stretched our newspaper reader/those who do silent farts that make you retch/person who sniffs-coughs- picks at scabs & person almost sitting on my lap next to me,it's okay I'm used to it some days it's the only bodily contact I get as a Middle aged married woman#ireallylovelookinglikeawhalelapdancingtryingtogetoutofmyseat