Coffee

Dear Coffee barista 

You little sprinkle of sunshine - being served by you you was like having a skunk spray me,you've brightened my day in only the same way that treading in a freshly laid dog pavement egg in new shoes would do and boosted my already shitty mood tenfold 

Yes I am aware I may be a lady who isn't going to see that side of 40 again- actually there's a lot of things I probably won't see again such as my waist line/ feet/ boobs once the bra comes off any way,  however I like my coffee like I perceive myself, strong and hot ( * stop sniggering you lot)

And not like I actually am, pale ,insipid, weak and full of air.

Oh and I don't particularly like my take away cups like my self ( one false move on the train & lack of Tenna ladies) a wet lap thanks to a cup drippier than my bladder 

Oh and the cup requires a thickness more than a hookers gusset in order not to burn ones delicate hands.